Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Accidental Anniversary

A year.  A year in the life.  One year ago, October 12th.  Has it really been that long?  Yes.  Yes it has.

I am much better than right after, of course.  Car accidents take time.  Any kind of accident or incident that is traumatic to the body and soul takes time.  I was so improved that, though still and always recovering, I was deemed able to return to full time work as of yesterday, the 17th by my physician.  However, my employer had other ideas.

On Friday the 14th I was informed that I was being laid off with some compensation for my devoted years of service and expertise.  So I worked the day as always, doing my usual duties and then packing up 30 minutes before my part time day was over.  The relief of being out of the most stressful working conditions I have ever experienced were over.  I knew income was my first priority, or should have been, but instead my well-being jumped to the head of the line.

I experienced a calmness, a peace, that was momentarily unexplainable.  None of the usual anxiety and speculation about tomorrow or the next day.  And when I described this to some fellow parishioners at Trinity, they all said "That's God's grace working in you and around you".  Yes.  Yes indeed.

And so, I have been running errands, on the phone making calls, canceling some appointments [my insurance stopped that day as well as my job] but it was United Health Care.  How great a loss could THAT be...no much if any.  Worst insurance ever and the cheapest my company could find.  So I was then making other different appointments for unemployment contingencies and so on.

So I have been making some fun time for myself too as other things fall into place.  Walking in this wonderful weather we are having right now, watching the leaves turn, reading outside on the patio in the sun, watering [yes, still], domestic things and also plans to visit the Growers' and Crafters' Market on Thursday mornings and then head to Trinity for the mid-week Eucharist and Healing service.  Add to that visiting a friend on hospice and walking the labyrinth at Rogue Valley Medical Center one day a week.

Keeping a routine when out of work is essential.  Doing something for others also lets you know that though not being paid for volunteering, there are other ways of getting "paid" for doing for others and at the same time, doing it for yourself too.  So I am going to become a hospice volunteer.  Class starts at the end of the month and throughout November up until Thanksgiving.  I am so looking forward to that.

And so it is.  One year in the life that was constantly changing daily and not always for the better.  Refiner's fire, and it continues.  Let it be.  I have become closer to our courteous Lord as a result, even when I felt I was withdrawing.  Pain distorts the real world, and it did so for me.  But the focus is returning and things are reaching a new clarity.

This is part of the peace which surpasses all understanding...


Jan said...

(((Catherine))) Thank you for your lovely note in the mail!

Terri said...

Well, a big change indeed...even as a blessing. Prayers for you.