Advent: the waiting nearby under the reef

Today I received an RSS feed for Choralgirl's Music Under the Reef, a fine blog I have mentioned before. By her blog name, music is a huge part of her life. She is a fine writer and today what she wrote as we enter into Advent inspired me to write a few stanzas. Here is part of what she said:

Saturday, November 29, 2008

Dark is the night

During my first semester of seminary a painting hung in the chapel, behind the altar. The painting was entitled "Incarnation," and it took a pretty good swipe at my theology on that topic. I wish I could post an image here, but I'll try to describe it.

First, it was about eight feet tall by three wide. The bottom third was mostly black, with some gravel embedded in the paint. The top section was varying shades of deep blue. From the top center down to the horizon, there was an straight-but-uneven, energetic swath of yellow and white varying from 4-8 inches wide, streaming directly and forcefully downward into the black earth, where it became an orange glow.

In other words, a field of deep darkness, through which came a stroke of glory so powerful that it turned the very earth to embers where it struck.

Sweet-smelling straw, gentle animals and smiling humans...not present. Just radiance and power.

It got me thinking. About the meeting of heaven and earth. About the story that I knew by heart, with the sentiment removed. About the starkness of the contrast between light and dark, despair and hope.

I couldn't form words around it for quite a while--not until I'd experienced some despair firsthand. A couple of years later, my personal ground was laid; I was at the lowest point of my life, and trying to re-energize myself at the St Olaf Conference on Worship, Theology and the Arts....

Please read the rest of her inspiring post here.

Needless to say the remainder of what she says in her post is the nucleus of what she inspired me to write. All you need for an engine to run is a source of ignition. Well I was ignited, and here is the result. Thank you Choralgirl.

Transcendent, my awe, turning

Turning toward the lightening east

From whence shall the True Light come

Brightening the dark of the soul.

There, in the corner of the sky

Where twilight seeks dawn

A glowing corona will emerge

Arising from the edge of the earth.

Brilliance awakes the sleeping

Those wakened, await the One

Who comes in glory

As He begins His journey here.

Turn me, turn me to the light immortal

Hurdling to life eternal,

Forge me anew in the fire

In the eyes of He who comes,

...Emmanuel.

View from the horizon

Seasons clock the passage of time within the year and this present moment is no different. We are on the edge of a national feast day for some, a day of mourning for the First Nation people. And no, I am not being negative about Thanksgiving. It is a great day for those of us who were born in the generations that followed that first celebration for the Anglos who were seeking a new freedom, one they achieved at the sacrifice of others who welcomed these strangers and taught them how to survive, only to be betrayed by them later on. But I digress, and this is a topic for another day, another time.

There is much to be thankful for as Americans born here or those who are newly come to escape persecution or oppression of one kind or another. Really it all boils down to escaping extreme evil for the lesser types that one can find some negotiated truce with here in our land of plenty. What we chose to do with the lesser evils and the plenties that are not always beneficial, that is between us and "them" respectively. As a Christian--I like to think I am trying to be one of the real Christians who strive to be Christlike, and not Pauline, or fundamentalist, or legalistic, or completely delusional--it is my goal to be like Jesus, and care for my neighbor and to love God in all of His/Her aspects. Truly those of us who strive for this fall and fail each day, but the fact remains that we have our eyes on the end of the race, so we pick ourselves up and keep moving forward. Forward...that is the concept some find so hard to grasp. Loving all, without discrimination or prejudice as we await the coming of the kingdom. And I do not agree with those who would hasten its coming by encouraging hatred and unrepentant hearts. I believe in letting God follow His/Her own schedule. Besides who am I to tell God when to come and finish the work set out to be done? I trust my courteous Lord to know His business and by so doing I am like the child He asks us to all be in this life, trusting in His care and love, the grace and mercy that He shows us, unending.

And so tomorrow will come and we will feast, either in a home of our own, or one not of our making. For the homeless and loveless, there will be a place at a table and a bed in a local shelter, or under a bridge where some will manage to have foraged enough to have a dinner of thanks with others who share their fate at this time and place, and blankets enough--perhaps--given freely by those who work to ring bells and collect loose change--to buy the blankets to give to the cold and home-wanting among us.

But its not just food and warmth and a place to lay our head that we will give thanks for;
I will think of the beauty that surrounds us each day and more often than not goes unnoticed. The winter song bird, the soft brown rabbit, the
evergreen leaves of the laurel, a still flowering geranium or hollyhock, the vaulted ceiling of branches adorned with lovely leaves, moss growing green among the cobbled stones of walks leading here and there.




I will be thankful for my job, the home I own because my mother gave it to me before she died, the dog that accompanied me through dark times and now plays in heaven with his precedents from my earlier life. My friends scattered throughout the country and overseas, my parish family, my priestly friends, my neighbors where I live, the woman at the grocery store who checks my purchases and always wishes me a good day and remembers my name, the books I get to read, the music I am privileged to hear, the hymns I get to sing, the warm clothes I wear, the sturdy shoes on my tender feet...so much, too much to name...all things and civil rights I enjoy and wish others had too, everywhere.

I give thanks for the grumpy and often rude patients I deal with. Grumpy old men and women, veterans, who have seen misery a hundredfold, and yet I care for them, knowing they are from my parents' generation, that Greatest Generation, who sewed up not only America's freedom but that of the world. I am thankful for women like Rose Volland in Nazi occupied France. What a story she could tell, and did eventually tell in her careful catalogs of art stolen by her Nazi occupiers in Paris.

I am thankful for the occasional cranky coworkers who have their own burdens to bear, and how I manage to turn their cloudy moods with a smile and kind word. I am not boasting, but simply showing what a tiny act of kindness can do to change a person in this world. Nowadays my patients, for the most part, say please and thank you, and refrain from foul language when calling my office. Some of them actually laugh now and wish me a happy day. Or call and tell me tasteful jokes, just to connect with another person in their lonely, isolated lives. Connecting with someone who makes time for them. It means the world to them and is a lifeline to the living.

In a few days, we will be on the eve of Advent, that anticipatory time before the coming of the Savior Christ, that Jesus boy, endearing child, aggravating teenager, then soon transformed mortal to Son of God, Emmanuel with us...in a few days time. At 5pm today, I will go and give thanks corporately with my church family at our Thanksgiving Eve service...a very good way to begin the feast of thanks.

So much to be thankful for, and I am very thankful for all you.

Let us look to the horizon and coming Light...

Catherine+

Page 56, if you please

I have been tagged for a literary meme of sorts. The meme was this:

Rules:

* Grab the book nearest you. Right now.
* Turn to page 56.
* Find the fifth sentence.
* Post that sentence along with these instructions on your blog (or facebook wall).
* Don't dig for your favorite book, the coolest, the most intellectual. Use the CLOSEST.

Ok, I did and here it is, oh, and I will post it on Facebook for those who are in my cadre:

"Really, Thackeray, you simply must learn to accept what you cannot change."

Now find your 5th sentence on page 56 of a book of yours and post it to the comments so others may share in your discovery!

Pray. Pray without ceasing.

No inspiration. No revelation of deep spiritual import. It's just not there. I feel dead in the water, once again without a rudder or sail, no oars, no compass. And it doesn't help that the water is placid and unmoving. This time is a not a good place to be. I have a life preserver: Jesus. And though seemingly silent, He's there. This I know.

I'm glad we have a new progressive President-Elect and a Can-Do Vice President-Elect. I am relieved beyond measure at the outcome of the senate races too. I am not content with the anti-civil rights movement which keeps people who love each other from marrying. We are getting closer though, and it won't be long before this insane bigotry is ended. Pray for open minds and open hearts. Pray.

Pray for the Diocese of Oregon as it begins convention tomorrow in Salem, Oregon. Pray for our soon to be new President and his administration; pray for his safety and that of his family. Pray for dogs rescued from puppy mills, that their lives of horror will end on a loving note in a forever home. Pray for homeless children on the streets of our nation, for the elderly homeless without a place to live out their days in peace and safety. Pray for unity of all Americans. Pray. Pray without ceasing.

Reef Dwelling, Decisions, Five Minutes of Prayer

I subscribe to the feed of Choralgirl who writes the blog "Choral Reef: music under the surface". Now, Choralgirl is a musician and choir director at her church. She writes a splendid blog and I read each feed as I get it. Well, that is what you are supposed to do when you subscribe to a blog's feed: read. Feed and read...catchy.

Today's feed from the Reef is particularly moving and rang the gong deep in my soul. It only rang once but then that is all it had to do as it resonated in my spirit and nudged me to think more deeply about who I am and what is my purpose in this life. Here's part of what she said:

"I was reading at Search the Sea yesterday, and amid the stark riches there, I found three nuggets that capture the thinking of three very wise guys (thanks, Gannet Girl, for your honesty; peace to you!). They became the basis last night’s choir devotion.

Know yourself.
Socrates

Be yourself.
Cicero

Give yourself.
Jesus

The life of a person of faith demands that we try to live into all those ideas, and each is a pilgrimage of its own.

The first, the way of self-knowledge, is the beginning. It happens in the context of community and in the presence of God. It requires as much honesty as we can bear; in learning to truly know ourselves, we have to get quiet. We have to be strong enough to strip away all that is not real or true, like peeling away a bitter orange rind to get to the sweet fruit underneath. The context of loving community keeps us honest; the presence of God grants perspective; both are a comfort and a continual challenge, pushing us on to the second path: self-actualization.

If we think about that in terms of Maslow’s Hierarchy, it’s about getting our basic needs met so that we can to move on to greater things. I think that’s certainly a piece of the puzzle, but if we are to get to the third path, there needs to be one more element included. We become fully ourselves in large part by striving and failing and learning and striving again. It makes me think of one more chunk of wisdom from Wise Guy #4:

It's not that easy, being green.
Kermit the Frog

New growth is tender and vulnerable and fresh. It takes courage to keep on becoming the people we are. But the risk in that process also means brings us to the understanding that we have something to offer…and perhaps also the courage to do so, which is what Jesus asks..."

Go to Choral Reef: music under the surface to feast on the rest of her post. It will be worth the dive and swim.

On October 16th, Barbi Click, another blogger extraordinaire, reflected on the lesson of Micah and how it can and does relate to this election season.

Ok, some of you are going to ask: What has this piece to do with the previous piece on knowing oneself spiritually? Plenty. If you know or are getting to know yourself spiritually, that nugget of wisdom helps you think with clarity, and when we think with clarity, we think more logically and metaphysically at the same time [at least I do...]. So, in my view this clarity leads to a knowing degree of rightness and wrongness. Being able to distinguish one from the other leads us to making decisions. Voting in this election is an important decision with ramifications for this entire country and indeed for the world [yes, we are a superpower and people do, despite rumors to the contrary, watch America].

Now here is some of Barbi's explication of Micah in the context of The Now:

"In a Day of False Prophets [originally written October 9th]

What is a politician but a prophet? He or she stands there before the crowds, shouting out oracles of doom and gloom if the people continue on in their wicked ways but glorifying his/her own natural abilities to lead the people into a shining new future. Each one claims to offer the “right” way. Too often, both are false prophets.

The lectionary’s reading today from Micah 3:1-8 speaks to that very thing. In this particular instance, he is calling the religious leaders of Israel false prophets. Micah calls them to justice and compares them to cannibals, for by the very fact that these leaders live off the hopes and need of the people of Israel, they consume the people as they lead them astray. Their time is coming, Micah says, when the leaders will realize how wrong they are and finally turn to God but it will be too late. The sins that they have committed are those of injustice and greed. Micah has no compassion for those who plunder and pillage that which the Lord has declared Holy.

I love these violent, gory scriptures. It is a heck of a way to get a reader’s attention. Rather than be turned off by the images of skin being torn “off my people, and the flesh off their bones” and those who would “eat the flesh of my people, flay their skin off them, break their bones in pieces, and chop them up like meat in a kettle, like flesh in a cauldron,” I feel a great need to get past the violence and into the message that Micah was attempting to convey. It seems that the more gruesome and violent the image, the bigger the message.

We have to say that Micah was passionate if nothing else. His major concern was justice. He saw these religious leaders, these people who held great influence over the people of Israel and he knew that these same leaders were feeding off of the need of the people. The people were oppressed and the leaders justified it through the “Law”.

We have much the same thing going on today. Sarah Palin makes wild and outrageous insinuations that Barack Obama is a terrorist, enough so that one of the spectators in the crowd yells out, “Kill him!” John McCain asks “Who is the real Barack Obama?” and a member of the audience loudly answers, “A terrorist!” Neither of these candidates shush either person. McCain at least has the grace to grimace. Regardless, both are inciting people to react with mob mentality. Both are feeding off the ignorance, fear and bigotry of their audiences..."

Go to Feathers and Faith, Barbi's blog, to read the rest of her piece on this modern take of the Micah passage.

{My aside: The behavior of the Palin crowd reminded me of the point in the Gospel where the rabble are wanting Barabas spared and are urging Pilate to crucify Him, the Christ. And no, I am not comparing Barack Obama with Jesus, but if the sandal fits...}

Lastly I leave you with this quote...

"Life may be brimming over with experiences, but somewhere, deep inside, all of us carry a vast and fruitful loneliness wherever we go. And sometimes the most important thing in a whole day is the rest we take between two deep breaths, or the turning inward in prayer for five short minutes."

- Etty Hillesum, An Interrupted Life, p.93 -

Fodder for rumination.

Call it what you will

I could blame the economy, high fuel prices, high everything prices; I could blame global warming, the upcoming election tension, the debates, the edgy words in all of their cleverness...I could blame God, my sense of spiritual stasis. I could blame what Kathleen Norris calls acedia a spiritual numbness or ennui for how I sense that I am.

I could blame some latent anger or irritation, I could blame people, churched and unchurched, I could blame the so-called orthodox as well as I could blame the progressives, of which I am one. What to call it, how to define it. I haven't a clue. I will simply blame myself, for whatever the inadequacy that is causing these images and thoughts within me.

What I do know is this. I am not sure that this blog should go on. My passion for the Church has faded. Don't get me wrong. I love the Body of Christ with all of its frailties. I just don't have that sense of mission, that sense of energy I once did about the issues. I suppose the only real issue I should care about is the Gospel and its true meaning, as Christ intended...not Paul and his biased views. And this means my sense of duty to my fellow believer and nonbeliever to show mercy, compassion and forgiveness.

My thoughts and prayers are, at best, wayward. Focusing is a difficult thing anymore. With all the things I could be doing to enrich my life and possibly that of others, I cannot be but restless and unaccomplished in all I attempt. Even those things that would improve my quality of life are difficult at best to even try to do. Achieving anything meaningful is daunting.

I must be missing some crucial element, some part or thing--tangible or intangible--to bring all the pieces of me together. Wholeness. Perhaps that is what I am seeking. How is it supposed to happen? I am finding that I am the sort of person who has not always needed but somehow now requires help along the way. Does getting older do that to us? Sometimes we need a companion along all or part of the way to help motivate us, to give us a reason for doing and accomplishing, to help us see the value of ourselves, when we cannot see it at all. I am not speaking of the animal variety necessarily though there are those who's requirement is fulfilled by a creature that is other than human. I was one of those for a time. But finding our footing in human relationships is not a simple thing, especially if you have strong sensitivities to the world.

And so, I return to the possibility that I may leave this blog for a while. There is absolutely nothing at the moment that stirs my passion to write on any particular subject. So perhaps walking away, leaving the door ajar, is the best option at this time.

Thoughts on the matter...

Catherine

Duncan Deposed: From "The Lead"

The House of Bishops has acted to depose CANA bishop Robert Duncan+.

The Lead at Episcopal Cafe has the scoop:

The Episcopal Church's House of Bishops has deposed Bishop Robert Duncan of Pittsburgh for abandonment of communion. Eighty-eight bishops voted in favor of deposing Duncan, 35 voted against and four abstained according to several sources in the House of Bishops.

Two statements from the Diocese, which was clearly expecting this outcome, are here and here. Note that Geoff Chapman, author of the Chapman Memo is a member of the Standing Committee. The statement is not unanimous. The Rev. James Simons, who opposes secession, did not sign. Geoff Chapman, as you may recall was the author of the "Chapman Memo" which put forth a plan by which a group of conservative Episcopalians intended to gain control of the assets of the Episcopal Church.

You can read the rest here and also find links to related statements by the group Progressive Episcopalians of Pittsburgh as well as the actual document of the deposing of this alleged bishop.

This comes as the Diocese of Pittsburgh is preparing to meet in convention on October 4th.

Catherine