Monday, May 01, 2006

Beginning Again

This week is chalk full of some bittersweet anniversaries for yours truly. Tomorrow, May 2nd would have been my neat mom's 82nd birthday. Right now she is celebrating that and a birth from life to death [a whole other state of being with eternally good ramifications] which occurred on May 5th, three days after her 81st birthday. It was a hard time for me, granted, but I know where to find her when my little turn comes, in God's time.

Three days after the 5th is my birthday. It wasn't much to speak of last year as it occurred on Mother's Day as well, and that Monday, the 9th I presided over her graveside funeral service. I need to see this week, these days ahead as the beginning of labor, the giving birth of new life and hopefully an improved me. I have been in the actual labor of this birth since this time last year when I saw that the end of her life as well as mine, as I knew it, coming to a close.

So...With all of the events and DVD-like memories replaying in my mind, and looking at my present and peering squinty-eyed into my future, I will stop and remember all that she taught me about the rough spots in life, how helping others comes back to you tenfold, how carrying around bitterness makes yourself bitter-tasting to those around you, how being constantly angry at circumstances and people gets you absolutely NOWHERE, and books are a good way to escape the present muck and find the constantly green meadows of possibilities. I also learned that while she had many great attributes, she also showed me how I don't want to be like her. I won't elaborate on those traits, but I know she would be proud of how I turned out in this time and place; how, because of her tenacity and determination, I will also hang on and hang in, regardless of how rough the road gets or what life throws at me.

I am after all, my mother's daughter, and the daughter of all the mothers who went before me. Thanks, Mom.


Heather said...

Beautifully said, Catherine - I can totally relate to so many things. There's a book out, entitled "Motherless Daughters", that I read a long while ago. One of the things it suggested was creating a ritual for honoring and remembering our lost mothers. At one time, I created my own of planting flowers on Mother's Day. Haven't done that in a while, maybe it's time to resurrect the tradition. What do you think?

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