Three days after the 5th is my birthday. It wasn't much to speak of last year as it occurred on Mother's Day as well, and that Monday, the 9th I presided over her graveside funeral service. I need to see this week, these days ahead as the beginning of labor, the giving birth of new life and hopefully an improved me. I have been in the actual labor of this birth since this time last year when I saw that the end of her life as well as mine, as I knew it, coming to a close.
So...With all of the events and DVD-like memories replaying in my mind, and looking at my present and peering squinty-eyed into my future, I will stop and remember all that she taught me about the rough spots in life, how helping others comes back to you tenfold, how carrying around bitterness makes yourself bitter-tasting to those around you, how being constantly angry at circumstances and people gets you absolutely NOWHERE, and books are a good way to escape the present muck and find the constantly green meadows of possibilities. I also learned that while she had many great attributes, she also showed me how I don't want to be like her. I won't elaborate on those traits, but I know she would be proud of how I turned out in this time and place; how, because of her tenacity and determination, I will also hang on and hang in, regardless of how rough the road gets or what life throws at me.
I am after all, my mother's daughter, and the daughter of all the mothers who went before me. Thanks, Mom.
3 comments:
Beautifully said, Catherine - I can totally relate to so many things. There's a book out, entitled "Motherless Daughters", that I read a long while ago. One of the things it suggested was creating a ritual for honoring and remembering our lost mothers. At one time, I created my own of planting flowers on Mother's Day. Haven't done that in a while, maybe it's time to resurrect the tradition. What do you think?
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